Language

"I'm Turkish, so why am I writing in English?"

Great question, me. You see, if my family ever sees what I write, I don't want them to fully understand it. I don't think they'd ever find this unless they go through my laptop without my knowledge; something that would only happen when I die. I have countless pages and notebooks filled with writings in my room, all in English. I started keeping my journal in English when I was in 9th grade, just to make sure that my family couldn't understand any of it. Am I a bit paranoid? Maybe.

I learnt English... I'm not sure how I learnt it, honestly, it's almost as if it spawned in my head one day. Back in middle school, I had times that I'd get 20/100 in English, I was that bad. I didn't like it, I was unwilling to learn it. Our 8th grade English teacher made me almost hate English, she would force us to write a single word 100 times like that's going to help us learn. After the high school entrance exams, I spent my time trying to understand the language. I wasn't sitting down to study it, but since I was interested in the door that learning English would open for me, I spent my time consuming English content all summer. When you're stuck with a language that is only spoken in a single country, you're missing lots of opportunities. Actual answers to your problems and questions, more books to read, more movies to watch, understanding the songs you listen to... It even helped me live and study in another country for half a year! It's incredible how much a little hobby can do for you. 

I don't consider myself a good writer. Given that English is my second language, I tend to make mistakes often. My brother says that I speak "too formally.". I spend my days writing political essays each day in school, I can't help but talk formal!

I'm shy when it comes to talking, even in my mother tongue. When I was in Prague last year, it was really hard to live on my own, surviving just by speaking English. I have an odd accent, so it's better for me to keep my mouth shut.

My roommate (who was one of the kindest souls on earth, I miss her so much </3) and I went to one of our mutual friends' dorms to cook dinner and have some sort of dinner party. Our friend introduced one of his friends to us. We cooked our meals and sat down to eat. They were chatting well, and I was just sitting there, enjoying my time listening to them. THEN, BOOM! They started talking about politics

I couldn't resist and joined the conversation. With that new friend, we discussed discrimination in Czechia for about an hour or so. He said at the end of our conversation, "When you weren't talking, I thought you didn't know English for a second, but you proved me wrong."

I find Turkish to be beautiful; it can be both poetic and vulgar when it needs to be. Unfortunately, both in uni and at home, I'm forced to use English.

I want to end this post with the note my roommate left for me before my flight back to home. <3