About me.

 After writing so much about my past and present, I think I need to address who I am. I can look back at this if I ever get amnesia:

As surprising as it is, my name starts with the letter S :)

I'm a 20-year-old girl from Istanbul, Turkey. Majoring in Politics (I love my major, I'll never shut up about it like Nicky hehe), I listen to music all day, throughout the last 6 years I'm obsessively into music, I liked a variety of different genres in these years. I'm obsessed with Manic Street Preachers and Suede since the last winter. I'll write my all time favourites at the end of this post. I've been playing bass guitar since 2018. As the big John Deacon fan that I was, I fell in love with Bass and we're getting along well ever since. I have this habit of listening music on my mp3 player but It doesn't get me scrobbles on Last.fm so I'm trying to not use it as much as I used to. When I don't listen to music, I read or write. I'm that type of person that could watch an empty wall without getting bored because my mind would never allow me. I have these fixations on certain things and I shutdown when they're taken away from me, like; I always know where I'll be, what I'll be doing at all times, I know what I'll eat or what I won't eat, I have specific orders, specific routines for doing anything, I wouldn't throw a tantrum if someone interferes them but it'd ruin my day and make me even more miserable than I already am. A day in my life would be: Wake up, watch concert footage on YouTube, read, some screen time, listen to music, watch a movie and sleep (if I can). 

 I try to respect and love everyone, if I find someone interesting, I'd let them know. I don't find myself interesting, so I don't expect others to say it, I don't take it as others expect me to anyways... When others compliment or praise me in any way, I just know they're doing it out of pity. 

"Self disgust is self obsession"

Richey Edwards captured my every day life in a single sentence. 

I hate myself with so much passion that I'm obsessive over it at this point.

I look at myself in the mirror, belittling myself for hours. 

About my personality; I'm pretty much a silent person, but you can't shut my mouth if I'm talking about something/someone I love, I can't stop myself while writing too, my way of thinking is pretty traditional, I know myself - never had the "who am I?" questioning, I'm a cry baby at times, I start crying when I get angry or someone is angry at me, I try to smile around people, no one likes a sour face.

My all time favourites!!!

Music:

Manic Street Preachers, Suede, Oasis, Rush, The Smiths, Carpenters, Silverchair, The Jesus and Mary Chain, The Moody Blues

Authors:

Franz Kafka, George Orwell, Osamu Dazai, Albert Camus, Dostoyevsky

Movies:

Natural Born Killers, Totally F***ed Up, The Best Years of Our Lives, Double Suicide, Rumble Fish